With the Lunar New Year upon us, a New Moon behind us and the most beautiful solar parade of 7 planets lining up right in front of us, I feel called to let my witch out.
An astrological line up like this doesn't happen often, in fact, it won’t happen again for another 400 years. And I can’t ignore how deeply aligned this cosmic moment is with my own unfolding.
But before we dance with the future, we must whisper our gratitude to the past.
An Ode to Darkness's Waiting Room
When I was in my throes of personal struggle, I was in a very dark place. I was consumed with depression, PTSD and suicide ideation, and not the kind like I was searching for pills or when I’d see a gun, I’d get giddy. No, what I experienced was the waiting room.
The waiting room was just that, a liminal space, a haze-filled nowhere, where time stood still, and souls sat in silence, waiting for their turn. Much like a sterile doctors office, with cloth covered chairs from the 90’s and air that feels heavy and stagnant, unloved almost.
I didn’t take notice of others in the room, although I could feel their presence, just a ghostly shell of their soul. I couldn’t see who they were, they were just there, waiting for their turn too.
But I was one of the lucky few, stuck to my chair.
Yet in reality, the waiting room bled into my days leaving me consumed by the immense weight of depression, crushed by a cloud I couldn’t see. PTSD had my adrenal system shot. I was profusely sweating, shaking all day, heart palpitating at the faintest sound of a dodge truck.
I couldn't see how I was going to get out. But the waiting room always crept back in, even through the clouds. This notion remained, if I just walked through the door, everything would go silent, and I would be free of this earthly torment.
Despite this constant torment, I have children, who I love very much. And the thought of them having to experience life without me, was and always will be enough to keep my ass seated in the waiting room chair. My oldest son would be the one standing, waiting, at my grave the longest, and I won’t bear to do that to him.
A Lighthouse in the Dark
I rooted myself deeply in my spirituality during this time. Every little breadcrumb from the universe gave me strength to keep going.
One of the little bits of solace I found in the darkness was astrology. I sought comfort from the stars and planets, whenever they seemed to be doing something astrologically, I could feel it.
And it gave me comfort knowing that I was connected with the stars, the moon and the planets. That their movements affected me in some way.
I never used this as justification for being unable to control my responses or emotions, it was more of a lighthouse, giving me bits of connection, direction and guidance along my journey.
Studies also suggest that the moon’s cycles influence sleep patterns, emotions, and even hormonal rhythms. Many ancient traditions believed that syncing with the moon’s energy could bring clarity and heightened intuition. If you’ve ever felt more energized or introspective during a full or new moon, you’re not alone—it’s your body’s natural connection to the cosmos.
Why I Love the Moon
When I finally separated from a 12 year relationship and began the journey toward healing, my period synced up with the moon.
I started bleeding with the full moon and ovulating with the new moon, without fail, every single month. To this day, 4 years later, I am still in sync with the moon. And just knowing that I am synced, ebbing and flowing right next to her, was and is enough for me to not feel alone.
There is this inner knowing that I am connected to something far greater than me and just this life, and it gives me strength to believe in what I can’t see.
Because sometimes, when we consciously have our soul driving our human experience, it can come with a solitude we aren’t ready to face.
The Pain of Being Awake
Being awake can easily be one of the most painful experiences, as you’re able to feel in its entirety, and feeling is a spectrum. One that swings from pleasure to pain, which is probably why so many of us choose to stay asleep. Pain hurts.
And what I mean by being awake, is not the “woke” notion, far from. Being awake makes you no better than any other being.
Being awake simply means your soul is driving this experience, allowing itself to feel every human emotion and make decisions based on our authentic self, without the influence of the ego or the longing of the heart.
The human experience is a test of learning to synergize some of the most powerful and independent components in the entire universe. Consisting of three pillars that can function completely separate from each other: your soul, your body and your mind. With their own ability to drive the human experience.
Unfortunately our society has conditioned the soul and heart out of us, they feel too deeply or align too differently. And it’s taught us how to dissociate and move through life with a numbing overwhelm of disconnect.
Humans have learned to live on autopilot, meaning they’ve let their soul, who’s the actual driver, fall asleep. And they’ve allowed the body or the mind to take control.
Waking The Slumbering Soul
You see, it is not easy for the soul to navigate a world built on philosophies that do not align with its truth.
Which is why so many of us feel disconnected from the lives we lead.
When the soul shuts down, the edges of emotion are dulled, allowing the mind and body to take the reins, to make choices, to build a life, and to shape reality, all without the soul’s whisper guiding the way.
However, our soul is meant to guide all our decisions. Some even believe this is the reason for reincarnation, to bring us back to experiences so that we may experience them and make decisions in those experiences based on our authentic self.
The body and the mind are just gifts of being human, as no other being has to harness and sync as powerful of vessels as the body and the mind.
Our brains are limitless, they hold the tether to the universe and reality. And if we can’t harness our brain, it can very easily take over and once it takes over it’s very hard to retake control, which makes it even easier for the soul to stay shut down.
Because sometimes our mind and body have gotten us into situations that are so far from our soul’s purpose that in order to correct course, we’re going to have to go through some of the most treacherous of landscapes. We may even lose everything while trying to correct the course.
But if we can, if our soul can take hold of the wheel, it will lead us to the most beautiful of destinations. Sometimes just being aware of the different pieces of us, is enough to let our soul come out.
And as the planets align and the Lunar New Year unfolds, consider this your invitation to listen. Here some practical action items you can take starting today to let your soul take the wheel.
Tune into your intuition – Start each morning with a few minutes of deep breathing and ask, What does my soul need today? If you're worried about something or ruminating, this is a great time to journal, what is worrying you, is it in your control, if so, what small step can you take today to move toward a solution?
Track your moon cycle – Notice how the phases of the moon affect your energy, emotions, and creativity.
Embrace silence – Set aside time for stillness, whether through meditation, journaling, or walking in nature.
So, as you step into this new cycle, ask yourself: Who is driving your experience? The universe is waiting for you to listen.
In Darkness & In Light, Your Beloved Shadow Guide
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